


I'm Glad It Was Me

by NobodyOfficial



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies), Pacific Rim Uprising - Fandom
Genre: Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, post precursor newt, theyre just being soft here ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-13 21:00:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14120721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobodyOfficial/pseuds/NobodyOfficial
Summary: UPRISING SPOILERS AHEADNewt's glad that his dangerous mistakes hurt him more than anyone else. Hermann would've died a thousand times over to save Newt the slightest pain. Thankfully they're both healthy and safe now and can talk this through cuddled up on Hermann's bed.





	I'm Glad It Was Me

**Author's Note:**

> My ideas for this were a bit scattered, apologies. Also, I've not edited it yet, sorry.

"I'm glad it was me."

Semi-darkness has settled over the Shatterdome; Newt and Hermann were curled up on Hermann's bed, noses touching as they whispered to each other. The blankets weighed them down to Earth with heavy comfort and the only sound was the hum of a distant generator. Hermann had almost thought Newt was asleep, it was unusual for him to be silent for so long, but then he'd mumbled something Hermann hadn't quite caught.

He curled his thin fingers around Newt's waist and pulled him closer, then murmured sleepily, "What was that, love?"

"I was just saying, I'm glad it was me," Newt said softly.

"What was?" Hermann asked, but he already knew.

Newt's eyes were wide and shiny and his chest shook as he exhaled. "The precursors. I'm glad it was me they got, and not you." Even just mentioning their name Newt screwed his eyes shut and closed his fist around a handful of Hermann's T-shirt.

Hermann knew he should be incensed, that was a stupid thing for Newt to say and was in no way conducive to his recovery, but he looked so small and frightened it couldn't have been bravado; Newt meant it. "And why do you say that?" Hermann kissed him on the forehead, causing him to open his eyes again.

"I mean, isn't it obvious man?" Newt shrugged. "I love you, I'd never want anything bad to happen to you."

A soft smile spread across Hermann's face. Twenty three years he'd waited to hear Newt say those words. Obviously he'd been stubborn for a lot of that time, he hadn't acknowledged that was what he'd wanted, but now he realised he'd been craving Newt's affection all along. "Equally I would never have wished that upon you. You know I would have endured all that and more to save you the suffering."

"I know dude, I know. I was there when you made 'em that offer." Newt nuzzled his head into Hermann's neck and Hermann slung an arm over his side, caressing his hair. Usually he would stroke Newt's bare skin to comfort him, it had always grounded him and calmed him down, but now Newt kept his arms and torso under tight wraps. His wrists were still sensitive and scarred after a year of straining against handcuffs, but more than that was the overbearing terror his tattoos now brought him. Trauma had matured Newt in the worst possible way.

"It's just," Newt continued, "The drift was my mistake, y'know? It was my stupid idea, and I dragged you into it. I don't think I could've lived with myself if anything had happened to you. If it had been my fault." He squirmed in discomfort, as if his imagining he'd hurt Hermann made it true.

"Newt, you chose to drift with a kaiju brain on your own, yes. You understood how dangerous that was. But you told me what you were going to do and I didn't take that seriously. I put you at risk; I refuse to let you take any blame for what happened." There hadn't been a single moment since Newt's hands had been locked around Hermann's neck that he hadn't been thinking about how he could've prevented Newt's condition. Emails that went three sentences without calling Hermann 'man'. Phone calls where his voice seemed to change slightly, become colder. The incessant invitations to dinner and their subsequent cancellations. Hermann had been so busy being bitter about Newt's suddenly abandoning him that he hadn't even paused to wonder why.

"Herm, you're sweet man, but all the blame for this is on me. And I know," he sighed and averted his eyes, "I know that if it had been you you would've been stronger than me. You wouldn't have tried to end the world. But a lot of shit happened between the drift and me starting world domination, painful shit, I'm just glad it wasn't you who had to deal with that."

"Newt, you're ridiculous," Hermann said with warm affection. Newt looked up at him and if Hermann hadn't been determined to get these next few sentences out he would've kissed him. "You are unbelievably strong. You had those things inside of you for eleven years, killing you from the inside out, and still you managed to hang in there. That is a remarkable feat. And if you want to look at it that way then had I been the one under the control of those monsters you certainly would have realised far sooner and had something done about it. Your competence is not to be questioned over this; you're a man of vast intelligence." That wasn't something Hermann had ever pictured himself saying to Newt.

"Hey, you think I'm smart," Newt grinned. He looked so jubilant Hermann regretted all the times he'd admired Newt's intellect and not told him so.

"Newton, I have always thought you are smart." He ran a hand down Newt's side, gentle and comforting. "You saved the world once. We're going to do it again."

Newt didn't reply, but Hermann hadn't expected him to. He'd been very reluctant to get back into the lab, it was filled with potential triggers and reminders of what he'd been through. He was also adamant that Hermann didn't need his help saving the world any more; he'd done perfectly fine when Newt was the one threatening to destroy it. It wasn't that he didn't want to save the world, he was just afraid that he couldn't. If Hermann was being honest he probably could save the world without Newt. He had a team of bright, eager scientists, and Shao, and some incredibly capable young Jaeger pilots; they were making good progress. But when faced with the option of saving the world with Newt at his side or going it alone, Hermann would choose having his partner with him every time.

"Y'know, those aliens would've totally destroyed your skinny ass, Herm," Newt said, suddenly with a light, playful tone.

"What do you mean?" Newt sounded calm and eager for the first time in a while, Hermann wanted to see where he was going with this before he chastised him.

"I mean, I came out of that ordeal looking like shit. At least I had a bit of muscle to begin with, you would've just wasted away."

Ah. There was the boastfulness Hermann was so accustomed to. All he could do was lean in and kiss Newt softly. "Really, Newt? Muscle?"

"Ok," he blushed, smiling in that silly, comedic way that made his cheeks round. "I was kinda soft, but you get my - drift - man." He burst out laughing like he'd made a hilarious joke. It was the first time Hermann had heard Newt laugh, Newt and not some dreadful creature borrowing his laugh, in years. It was high-pitched and annoying and absolutely perfect.

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm also glad you have recovered your health so quickly. Physically, at least." A few months ago Newt had been thinner than Hermann; there wasn't a bone in his body that wasn't visible. Now, thankfully, he'd regained his stocky frame, complete with chubby cheeks and broad shoulders.

"Dude, I know-" Newt started to giggled and buried his face in Hermann's chest.

"What?" Hermann asked with a smile, threading his fingers through Newt's hair. Obviously their conversation had taken the best possible turn, in Newt's opinion, anyway (he'd always had a weird sense of humour).

"Like eight years ago you video called me and you were really worried because I looked so thin and you went off on one saying that Alice better be being kind to me and Alice was a fucking brain, man!" He grabbed handfuls of Hermann's shirt and laughed some more.

Hermann rolled his eyes. He remembered every second of that conversation; Newt's sunken eyes, pale face, hollow cheeks. He'd be all smiles and cheer then suddenly shudder and look behind him like there was someone watching him. Hermann had worried about him and fussed over him like he usually did, but he'd put Newt's stress down to a bad relationship. Maybe that had been wishful thinking on his part. If Newt hadn't got along with Alice then he'd have been single again, giving Hermann a chance to... Not confess his feelings. Newt had assured him that he was fine and Alice was fine (Alice was most certainly not fine. Alice was a disembodied brain) and he was just under a lot of pressure from work, but all the same he'd looked a lot more robust and healthy the next time they'd chatted.

Hermann didn't know how much control the precursors had had of Newt at the time. He hadn't known of their presence, obviously, but they'd had enough control to force him into drifting with a kaiju. They'd been threatened, Hermann realised, of his love for Newt even then. They had feared that if Hermann noticed too drastic a change in Newt maybe other people would too, and had taken measures to care for his body more appropriately after that.

Of course, Hermann had just been incensed by the thought that a woman couldn't love Newt exactly as he was, exactly as Hermann loved him. But knowing that his concern had saved Newt just some minor discomfort was a small relief.

"Yes," Hermann said, kissing a still hysterical Newt on the forehead, "It was a brain. Very funny. I think you're in desperate need of some sleep now."

Newt hummed sleepily and calmed his shaking chest, then settled down beside Hermann.

"You deserved exactly none of what happened to you," Hermann reminded him softly. "This wasn't your fault."

"Eh, I can see where you're coming from." Hermann knew Newt well enough to know that meant he disagreed completely but didn't have the energy to argue. "But I'm eternally grateful that my idiocy didn't land you in the same position as me. I know you love me, I know you'd do anything for me, but I had to watch myself hurt you and that was, hands down, the worst experience of my life. More painful than any moment with the precursors. Fortune does not favour the brave, my dude, fortune favours those who actually know what they're doing."

Hermann wrapped his arms around Newt, trying to make him feel as safe and protected as possible. "Bravery and stupidity. I wouldn't expect anything less from a rockstar." Newt would be glowing about that for weeks. "I trust you, Newton, completely. And if you need a partner in crime for harebrained, saving-the-world shenanigans again then I offer you my services."

"That means a lot dude, you're the coolest." Newt yawned and rested his head on Hermann's shoulder. "Ok, I'm beat now, gotta get some rest so I can work on saving the world again."

Hermann grinned. He watched Newt's body relax completely as he fell asleep, releasing all the tensions he claimed he wasn't experiencing, then closed his own eyes. He would do any amount of stupid things for Newt without even complaining. When they'd first met Hermann had enjoyed their bickering, as it was the only way he ever really got to talk to Newt. After that, once they'd become friends, it had been a way of testing each other and sharing theories. Now Hermann didn't see the need to fight with Newt over anything futile. Not now that they'd actually fought, anyway. He wanted Newt on his side from now on, even on trivial things such as the best breakfast cereal. Hermann could choke down God-awfully sweet American cereal every morning to prove that he loved Newt. After all, Newt had fought off an entire alien race from inside his head for Hermann. He was just glad that fortune favoured the brave, for the most part, and Newt was the bravest person he'd ever met.

**Author's Note:**

> Ik Charlie was kinda buff for Uprising, but Newt's a soft, dorky science nerd and you can't change my mind. 
> 
> Tumblr: itsalwayssunnyontelevision
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
